Commas serve a multitude of purposes in written text, and we'll expand on what they are in the concise list that follows. While certain comma usage in fiction is critical for comprehension, others can be utilized flexibly, according to the effect you want to produce in your narrative.
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1. Separating items in a list
Use commas to separate items in a list of three or more.
Example: She packed a sweater, jacket, her notebook and a camera.
Or: She packed a sweater, jacket, her notebook, and a camera.
The second example makes use of the Oxford comma, also known as serial comma, which is the one that comes before the conjunction and. Both examples are correct, and whether you use the Oxford comma or not is a matter of personal preference. However, it can be useful for clarity when the final item in the list is explained in more detail; for example:
She packed a sweater, jacket, her notebook, and the camera she had ordered last week that had arrived this morning.
Without the final comma here, we might think she had also ordered the notebook last week as well as the camera.
Either way, whether you use the Oxford comma or not, or only for clarity in certain circumstances, the key is to be consistent. If you don't use the Oxford comma on short or concise lists in one part of your book, then ideally that same style should remain the same elsewhere.
2. Before a co-ordinating conjunction in compound sentences
Place a comma before conjunctions (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) that connect two independent clauses.
Example: He wanted to leave, but he couldn’t find his keys.
This is one of those rules that in fiction writing we can be more flexible with, for the purposes of style and effect. For instance, when reading the above example, we would automatically insert a slight pause where the comma is. But if we wanted to remove the pause and give the narrative a greater sense of pace or urgency, we would omit the comma and let the sentence run on:
He wanted to leave but he couldn't find his keys.
Or, He wanted to leave but couldn't find his keys.
Again, all three of these sentences are correct, and so using the comma or not will depend upon your narrative's style throughout the book, as well as the effect you wish to create in the particular scene.
3. After introductory elements
Use a comma after introductory words, phrases, or clauses that precede the main clause.
Example: After a long day, she finally sat down with a book.
This is another principle we can be flexible with in fiction writing, according to pace and effect. For instance, in the following examples, the comma in the first guides us to slow down: In the end ... none of it mattered; while the omission of the comma in the second gives the sentence a more hurried or off-the-cuff effect.
In the end, none of it mattered.
In the end none of it mattered.
4. Setting off non-essential Information
Use commas to enclose non-essential (non-restrictive) clauses and phrases that add information but aren’t essential to the meaning of the sentence.
Example: Mira, tired of waiting, decided to go home.
In this example, the essential information (restrictive clause) is Mira decided to go home; that she was tired of waiting is additional information.
5. With direct address
Place commas to separate names and titles when directly addressing someone.
Example: "Sam, could you pass me the pen?"
This is one of those principles of comma usage we generally don't deviate from, for the following reason:
Are you ready to eat, Duncan?
Are you ready to eat Duncan?
6. With interjections and transitional expressions
Use commas to set off mild interjections and transitional phrases.
Example: Well, I’m not sure that’s true.
However, he didn’t feel like arguing.
This is another of those I feel we can be flexible with in fiction writing if it serves a purpose. Reading the examples above, note how you will have inserted a fractional pause where the commas are. But what if the speaker doesn't pause - in an argument, for example:
Well I'm not sure that's true.
Yes it is true. As opposed to: Yes, it is true. Do you "hear" the difference?
In my work, and sometimes in published books, I'll often see this kind of comma used in a way that changes the pace or meaning of the sentence without intending to. For example:
Of course, it's true. When what they mean is: Of course it's true.
So, what do we do now? When they mean: So what do we do now?
The difference is subtle, but it comes down to how you want the sentence to be read, and then letting the commas guide you during the editing stages, checking you've got the pauses and emphasis in the places you want them.
7. Setting off quotes in dialogue
Place commas inside the quotation marks before the dialogue tag (he said, she shouted) when the tags come after the dialogue. And after the dialogue tag and before the quotation marks when the tag comes at the beginning of the sentence.
Example: "I remember it like it was yesterday," she said.
She said, "I remember it like it was yesterday."
This one is an unbendable rule, unless of course the comma is replaced with a question mark, exclamation mark, or a full stop and no dialogue tags. It also holds true for internal thoughts with "thought tags" (let's call them):
It wasn't as if, she thought, he really meant it.
Which has a different meaning than:
It wasn't as if she thought he really meant it.
8. For clarity with long or complex sentences
Use commas to clarify the structure in longer or more complex sentences.
Example: In the midst of the chaos, when everything seemed lost, she found her courage.
Your use of commas, including where you place them in long, complex sentences, once again comes down to your narrative style and the effect you're creating in the scene, which is also tied up with rhythm, pacing and flow.
Aside from providing clarity, commas in a longer sentence can also slow the pace (think of all those fractional pauses) and add weight to what is being said. But if we wanted to quicken the pace, or give the effect of frustration or breathlessness, for example, we might think about foregoing the commas.
She caught her heel on the edge of the top step and stumbled down the rest of them while only just managing to keep herself upright and the cases gripped firmly in either hand. If he opened the door behind her now she would scream so the whole neighbourhood would hear.
9. Between co-ordinate adjectives
Use commas to separate two or more adjectives that equally describe a noun.
Example: He walked into a dark, silent room.
As explained in Oxford's New Hart's Rules, there are two kinds of adjectives - qualitative (those that are not fixed definitions, and can be modified using words such as very, e.g. big, heavy, damp), and classifying (fixed descriptions, e.g. green, British, nylon). Commas are needed to separate adjectives of the same type, but not of different types:
A tall, thin, handsome man.
A long red dress.
If you're like me, you may spend too much time contemplating whether your adjectives are either qualitative or classifying, but again I would suggest you instead assess clarity and effect. If your meaning is still clear without commas, go for it. If you'd like to add commas in order to produce a particular effect, and it works, then that's all good too. Use your reader/writer ear to guide you to what works best.
10. In dates and addresses
Use commas in dates (day, month, year) and addresses (street, city, state, country). However, how you use them will generally depend on your own preferred style or your publisher's house style. The key is to pick a clear format, and remain consistent with it throughout your book.
Example: She was born on April 5, 1989, in Chicago, Illinois.
He was born on the eighth of June, 1975, in Soho, London.
11. Setting off participial phrases
Use commas to set off participial phrases that add information but aren’t essential.
Example: Running through the rain, the woman made it to the shelter.
In this example, the participial phrase is Running through the rain, which provides additional information on how the woman made it to the shelter.
In these sentence constructions, always put the noun/subject of the sentence directly after the opening phrase, or risk confusing meaning.
Incorrect: Walking in the park, the sun shone brightly.
Correct: Walking in the park, Jess marvelled how the sun shone brightly.
In the first version, we would assume the subject of the sentence is the sun, and therefore it shone brightly while walking in the park. In the second version, we clarify immediately that Jess is walking in the park and she is the subject the opening phrase refers to.
12. With absolute phrases
Place commas around absolute phrases that add context to the main clause.
Example: The door flew open, its lock easily splintering.
The boy hid his eyes, afraid to look.
In each of these examples, the main (independent) clause is prior to the comma, while the absolute phrase comes after the comma, modifying the main clause.
Finally...
Ultimately, using commas in fiction comes down to the two things we've repeatedly mentioned - clarity and effect. Unlike in technical writing, the art of punctuation in fiction writing comes in balancing the rules with the rhythm in a way that best serves your story, and - above all else - makes for a pleasurable, immersive reading experience.
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Tina Williams of Fiction Yogi is a copyeditor and proofreader who works with writers at all stages, giving them the tools to improve their manuscript and level up their writing so they can meet their publishing goals.
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